Bristol needs more bloody chuggers

A newly-published report has confirmed what many have suspected: Bristol desperately needs yet more bloody chuggers.

According to research carried out by the West England Economic Partnership, the key to the city's economic recovery is even more clipboarded buffoons, preferably employing increasingly deranged ways of making eye contact.

The research shows that shoppers appreciated the adrenaline rush of chugger avoidance, the increased physical exercise from repeatedly crossing to the chugger-free side of the street, and the entertainment value of being forced to engage in the social protocol equivalent of a game of British Bulldog.

The report recommends doubling the number of chuggers immediately, as well as the number of public outdoor urinals.