Bristol needs more bloody chuggers

A newly-published report has confirmed what many have suspected: Bristol desperately needs yet more bloody chuggers.

Long-lost entrance to cycle path discovered

After a long and difficult expedition, explorers have discovered the near-mythical entrance to the Bristol to Bath cycle path.

Bristol to introduce immigration controls with Weston-Super-Mare

Concerns that refugees from Weston-Super-Mare are flooding into Bristol have lead to calls to restrict immigration from the opular seaside resort.

Giant shed full of cheap stuff will revitalise local high street

Residents of Horfield and Hanham are being reassured that the presence of massive aircraft hangars full of enticing cheap goods will in no way turn their local high streets into desolate wastelands.

Somerset residents use Neknominate to combat floods

Somersetians are being urged to use the popular online drinking game of Neknominate to combat rising flood waters.

Somerset calls on Environment Agency to drown more cats

Residents in flood-stricken Somerset have called on the Environment Agency to avert further bad weather by the traditional method of drowning cats.

Bristolians all very proud of woman we've only just heard of

Bristolian Jenny Jones's Olympic success was greeted with rejoicing in her home city yesterday, after BBC sports coverage carefully explained who she was.

Bristol crocodile to star in its own musical

A preview of how the poster for the musical might.
The Groan can exclusively reveal that the Bristol Crocodile is to star in a star-studded musical about its life.

Bedminster crocodile eats Southville chicken

In an attempt to stretch out a piece of non-news as far as we possibly can, the Groan can  reveal that the Bristol crocodile has eaten the Southville chicken.