Massive storm of hyperbole headed for Bristol

With news that temperatures could plummet to as low as -1°C and winds of up to 25 mph are expected over the coming week, Bristol is bracing itself for a storm of epic proportions.

The storm is expected to be marked with gusts of hot air, deluges of journalistic licence, and frequent requests for free website content in the form of mobile phone pictures.

Residents are advised to barricade themselves in their homes and keep checking their local news websites, periodically clicking through on the banner adverts, until they are told that it is safe to emerge.