Bristol Arena to be made from discarded newspapers
Mayor George Ferguson said: "In line with our status as European Green Capital, and given the untold thousands of trees that have been sacrificed to local news articles about it, it's been decided to make the arena out of recycled paper".
"We've calculated that between repetitive daily newspaper headlines about how vital a giant outdoor fun-hutch is to the city's civic pride, letters scrawled in crayon saying things like BILD IT NOW PLS, and judicial review applications, we have several million tonnes of waste paper which can be used."
"We're not sure quite how it'll work yet, but it'll probably involve wasps."
Responses to the proposal were mixed, but generally positive. Local sports fan Bobby Grunt said "It's vitally important for a major international city like Bristol to have a venue for its mediocre football teams. The current arenas are woefully short on capacity, and the car parks aren't even big enough for a proper fight."
"It's a source of continuing municipal shame that cities we never previously considered ourselves rivals to have arenas. There's probably some sort of league table of cities somewhere, and the ones without arenas aren't even on it"
"Also, as things stand we are missing out on culturally important events like One Direction concerts and performances by the Chippendales. I wouldn't care if it was made out of dogshit, as long as it gets built".
Posted by Editor